I found you, Mr. Book! I knew you were somewhere in my pack. Maybe you’re learning how to hide from watchin’ me or something. I mean, if people can learn from books, books can learn from people, right?
I’m gonna skip a bunch of numbers because it’s been awhile and I don’t wanna write a bunch of numbers just to catch up.
SPHINXES. I tried to sneak by ’em and it heard me so it roared and woke up everyone. So we had to kill a LOT of people. Funny thing… when we killed the wizard guy that Lord Gallows told us to kill, the sphinx stopped fighting us and was kinda nice. Not nice enough to help us kill more people, but nice enough to stop clawing Bre in the face.
We also had to burninate some catapults and other stuff, which was easy enough. We didn’t have to sneak around sphinxes so it was easy to get to them without being spotted. They spotted us AFTER we already ruined their stuff, so we had to head back under the tunnels so they could
cola collapc seal it back up.
As much as I wanted to nap after all that nightcrawlin’, Lord Gallows told us that the REAL fight was gonna start. And it did. With a bunch of armored guys on horses and stuff, we had to go in and “hold the line”. Whatever that meant. So, Bre and Nadia were all pumped up and heroic-like, but I just wanted to stab stuff and then everyone charged and there was a lot of screaming and blasting and fun stuff and lotsa blood—
But after only like a few hours, we got pulled out by Lord Gallows again. He said that us winning was a sure thing, so he wanted us to be fresh when we rode out back to Steppenwolf’s place to play out the “victory march”. Or something like that. It sounded boring. And it was. There was a lot of talking, but I didn’t pay much attention until Steppenwolf said there was gonna be a party! Games and tournaments and snacks and fun and all the things! Bre, Laurya and Rylik thought that Steppenwolf was doin’ stuff sneakily during the party to kill Gallows or something, but me and Nadia didn’t really care. FUN TIMES!
We went around town and played all sorts of games! Three Cups, a Talent Contest, and a JOUST. I got to ride a horse and smack guys off theirs with a stick! Everyone thought I was dumb for trying (maybe not the commoner’s joust, but I joined the main one), but they sure shut up after I clocked the first noble guy into next week. They thought it was a fluke, but after the second and third guys, I even got people cheering for me! It might’ve been Nadia and Laurya’s help workin’ the crowd, but whatever. Still, I lost the finals. The other girl was REALLY good at smackin’ people off horses, but I stayed on as long as I could… I just… fell asleep after the fifth or sixth stick-to-the-face… Shuddup Mr. Book I can tell you’re judging me.
While we were walkin’ around, Bre and Rylik heard some shady stuff like people bringin’ in barrels to the dungeons and the normal cooks for the castle being kicked out… and warned Gallows about possibly being poisoned. He had his magic guys throw a spell on him to make sure that didn’t happen, and figured he’d even ask people to swap dishes with everyone. I guess it’s a normal thing that happens in castles, because that just sounds really weird to me. My food is MY food, after all.
Either way, we figured we’d check out the dungeons sneaky-like and make sure everything’s on the up-and-up. We had to kill some undead stuff in the sewers to get there, but it’s a good thing we did. Remember that Ragesian diplomat guy? He was there, bein’ all “Ha ha, I’m gonna poison everyone at the party to make everyone crazy and kill each other and no one will blame me!” We killed him dead. I accidentally broke his mask too. I dunno why Rylik likes collectin’ them. I mean, I have stuff from people I like, but why would you collect stuff from people you hate? Maybe Seaquen has a contest for collecting the most bear-skull-masks.
Right, everyone was in trouble! We broke into the giant eating hall and said ‘DROP THAT FORK." At least I did. The others kinda explained it better to everyone. It was a bit late, since some people already had some food. Also, King Steppenwolf didn’t like us (and he might have been a bit crazy at the time too) and tried to kill us. And his gnome advisor person turned into a crazy snake monster trillith and also tried to kill us (we weren’t surprised by that last bit). Her name was Madness! We killed her… I think. I mean, she kinda disappeared into nothingness and laughed. Which isn’t like the time we killed the fire stag monster in the forest, since he kinda burned up into nothingness. Okay, maybe it’s kinda the same.
Madness DID kill Steppenwolf, though. That wasn’t our fault, but we couldn’t really fix it after it happened (He kinda turned into nothingness, too). Still, it’s not all bad! Lord Duke Gallows became KING Lord Duke Gallows, even though he wasn’t terribly happy about how he became king. Still, for saving Dassen from killing each other, we got rewarded with… some plots of land. Everyone seemed more-or-less happy with it, but what am I gonna do with a bunch of dirt? I didn’t like it, but I got nudged in the ribs a lot, so I just took it anyways. Nadia was super thrilled, and even got to stay to help the new king since his old gnome advisor person turned out to be evil. At least I know THIS gnome advisor was totally good. I still have her bracelet so I don’t forget her!
We had to get back to Seaquen to let ’em know that we did our job (to make sure that Dassen had our backs to help fight Ragesia), but we got held up in Vidor (the swamp place) again. Some trolls were kidnapping people and eating them, so Bre and Laurya wanted us to help them. We had to chase the trail down to some pyramid thing like the one where we found the attercops at, and killed them all! It was easy since I had my fire-dagger, but the others kinda had to scrape up ways to get fire to burn them to death.
After we killed those trolls, we made it back to Seaquen. We got to eat at a fancy dinner and were told by the Headmaster guy to go to the Monastery to the north, since the guys they sent up there didn’t come back yet. Then Katrina shows up and introduces us to Three-Weeping-Ravens (Bird Guy for short—don’t tell him that, though). He said he’d help guide us there, since it’s somewhere in the mountains and it’s kinda easy to get lost up there. Also, we had to teleport there with the help of the Wayfarer’s lady-boss (which normally would kill us, but we had super-magic to make us immune to fire for the trip. Which is probably good, since we traveled through Hell to get to where we teleported to). It was kinda fun, but landing made us all sick. Also, we landed in a cage of death-doom-trappery surrounded by guards, so we had to tell them we weren’t Ragesians. They believed us, since we weren’t orcs or that kinda stuff.
We talked to the lord guy of the place, I-Forget-His-Name, and he didn’t really seem to care about the Ragesians, since his buddy Pilus said they weren’t a big deal. We didn’t really care either. We wanted to talk to some monks, not this guy. I DID talk to his “harem” though. He seemed kinda new at the whole ‘King-Lord-Boss-Guy’ thing, and just wanted to be lazy instead of getting things done.
So, we made our way to the mountains where the monastery was supposed to be. It was a LOT of walking and stuff, but Bird Guy led us there. We got jumped by some Ragesian guys on the way in, but a dwarf jumped off a cliff and helped us kill them dead. Thorfin wanted to go to the monastery too, so we let him follow us there.
When we got to Eresh (the place where the monastery is at), it was already under attack by the Ragesians… kinda. They were just sitting outside, with all the swords and spears and stuff… but not doing any attacking. We just walked right in, while they were like “Wait. No. Stop. You’re not allowed to go in. Yawn.” It was even worse inside, since everyone was like that inside. Just… lazy and not all there. We did some talking around and figured we’d go talk to the monastery people straight away. We got sidetracked a bit by a lady acting all spooky, telling us we were upsetting “The Balance”. Still, DUTY CALLS and we tried to talk to the monastery people. On the way up, we got attacked by some wind monsters! I guess they were guardians of the path, but when we gave them the secret password (given to us by some monks that were with us) they still attacked! Jerks. After all that, we finally… FINALLY made it to the monastery.
They wouldn’t let us in. They didn’t want anything to do with us until we fixed whatever made everyone in Eresh all lazy and not care about stuff. Since we couldn’t really bust the door down and make them listen to us, we had to go back down and figure out how exactly we were gonna do that. Maybe just thinking about it fixed it, because when we came back down, everyone started snapping out of it. It was both good and kinda bad, because since everyone was so lazy, some of the soldiers were relaxing inside the city when they woke up and figured they would kill some people on the way out. We thought about killing them first, but they took hostages! Cowards. Esme really wanted to just kill them, but Bre and Laurya got them to run away instead of killing their hostages. I guess it’s probably better this way, but less fun.
One of the townsfolk thanked us for makin’ sure no one died, and asked us to follow him. We found one of the guys that was sent up here, Eril! (Torrent totally has a thing for him, I guess. I’m betting it’s a bow, since he’s a ranger.) He was pretty banged up and not really fit to do much help, but he did let us know that there’s somethin’ weird going on in the Forbidden Valley. It’s Forbidden for a reason, ya know. The storm there has been going on for years (almost similar to a certain forest that was on fire for years). We were gonna check it out, but someone else in town woke up and told us to follow HIM. So we did, and we met that one spooky lady from before! Except she was like super tired and resting in a bed. Dying. And also spontaneously changing into a guy and then back into a girl again.
It was weird. She called herself “Balance” and spoke all weird, like with “Metal-fours”. Y’know, like ‘The mountain will never bend to the wind, no matter how hard it blows," and stuff. Then, me and Esme figured out that she was a trillith! Like… not murder-death-kill like the other ones were, but nicer? I guess because ’balance’ doesn’t sound so stabby compared to ‘madness’. Somehow, she made all of Eresh all ‘lazy and stuff’ to ‘preserve the balance’, probably with dream-dragon-mist-magic. But when WE showed up, we kinda upset the balance. OH~ I just got that!
Anyways, Esme knew that trilliths could like… hide in a person’s head, or something like that. It’s hard to explain. It took a LOT of convincing to get Balance to go along with it (because she didn’t seem like a bad trillith) but we got her to hide in Bird-Guy’s head! It’s not that bad, but it does get kinda crowded at times. Bird-Guy got tired from having a near-dead trillith kinda sap at his life-force to not-die, so Thorfin took him up to the monestary while we figured out what to do, now that everyone is finally waking up from Balance not making everyone lazy.
Some more soldiers woke up, and were yelling about throwing the innkeeper off a cliff! Bre and Laurya didn’t like the sound of that, so we went over to kill them before that happened. More people were waking up, I guess, since some guys named Castagorn and Eoin showed up to help. Castagorn, the big guy, didn’t seem like a bad guy, but Eoin (who might be a girl? It’s hard to tell with elves) is a guilder. Or works for some assassin’s guild. Or something? Either way, we don’t trust guilders. They all deserve to die horrible horrible deaths with their guts hanging out their throats and—
We saved the innkeeper guy, even if he got slashed good. We to—
took him t— (scribblings of a dry pen)